It’s a beautifully calm and cool evening that’s just cloudy enough that you can’t fully see the moon or the stars. The yard is covered with crisp leaves of all shapes and colors that crunch under my feet as I walk my dog in the dark. I walk into the house to hear my mom fussing at a man who has a special nack for not answering the question. Through the hall, up the stairs, into a room that still has many reminders of my innocent and happy child hood. Flashbacks come of pink walls, comforter and carpet. A big Barbie house in front of the window where I could do my two favorite things- play with my dolls and watch what’s going on outside my window. That always consisted of birds playing in the tress or the cows across the street talking to each other. I could lose myself for hours in that window and still can. I remember vividly the day I discovered there was a brightly colored woodpecker that lived in the tree outside my window. It was so exctiting to sing the Woody Woodpecker theme song while watching it drill into my tree. MY tree. But I didn’t mind sharing it with him or the squirrels or anything else that liked it. I also remember the day I got in trouble for playing in the window fan instead of taking my nap. That room has so many memories.
I play with my new hair cut in front of my old mirror. How many new hair cuts that mirror has seen. I taught myself to apply make-up in that mirror. So did my grandmother, and all the women before me. I miss her so much right now. That mirror has seen many new hair cuts, makeup and dress styles, first dates, wedding days. It’s seen life.
Now I’m setting here at the computer thinking about how grateful I am for those women before me. For the chance to be loved by them. For my life to be what it is because of those women before me. They taught me to sew, and play the piano and bingo. They encouraged me in following my heart and the Lord. How I love those women and the men who loved them. Without them I wouldn’t be complete either.
It’s because of them that I understand sports. I can hold my own in a group of men watching football and know what’s going on. They taught me to throw a football, and play basketball. They took off work to come to my soccer games. The encouraged me when I learned to play that one really hard song, and patted me on the back when I finally understood the math homework and finally got an A on a math test. They knew I could do it, and that I just had to believe it myself. It’s because of them I have the passion to be outdoors, to explore the woods. To be alone in nature. It’s because of them I am not afraid of spiders or other bugs, but also know that it’s ok if I were. They taught me to ride a bike, drive, check the oil, change a tire and empowered me to stand up for myself. They taught me that I am beautiful. I am loved. And am only worthy of someone who loves and respects me. That I deserve that. I am worthy of that by the fact that I am their daughter, neice, granddaughter, their baby girl. They would stand up for me and my reputation regardless of the cost.
They gave an beautiful picture of my Father. Made it easier for me to love Him and know Him. Kept me from wasting my time with boys who weren’t worth it.
This is home. It really is. I miss this place, especially on weeks like this one when all that is shaken. Being here reminds me of all that I know is true. Sometimes it takes being away to know the it’s value