I am a solid J on the Myers-Briggs Test, meaning I’m a planner. Sometimes I think God made me that way as a great cosmic joke because I am certain I’m the only one in my immediate family. When my parents last came to visit they told me they would arrive sometime between Friday-Tuesday and they wouldn’t know for sure until they arrived here. When I was 13 my family took a two and a half week road trip out west to see all the historic sites my parents wanted to visit. I kept a journal of our trip which included every time we crossed a state line. I recorded the dates, times and locations at which we crossed. I think at some point I was recording rivers too, but there are a lot of those along a road trip so I gave up.
I like to know the details, the plan and know what happens next. I hate being unprepared or caught by surprise. As much as I love plans and details I hate making decisions. I never want to decide the restaurant with friends, have a hard time choosing an item on a menu at a restaurant and often stick with the same item every time because I know that I like it and don’t have to decide.
Because of this aversion towards making decisions I sometimes find myself stuck. I overthink outcomes, overanalyze the situation and dream up all sorts of worse case scenarios. About two years ago I bought a new car a process that itself only took a few days but I had been talking about for over a year. I was overwhelmed with the types of cars to chose from, whether or not selling the old car and buying a new one was the best financial decision and having to pick the car out all by myself. Ultimately, I chose to replace one blue Rav4 with another blue Rav4 just like when I go to Chick-Fil-A I always get a spicy chicken sandwich and at Corner Bagel an Iron Man on an Everything.
I’m realizing the older I get, that I have to learn to get out of the mud that decisions pin me down in. Life is full of decisions, big and small and I have to learn to manage them well. This is hard for me because I deeply care about what other people think (F on the MBTI which may is also known as a people pleaser). I don’t want to disappoint people when I make a decision. I’m learning though that decisions in my life aren’t about other people most of the time. I sometimes place too much emphasis on what others think and not enough on what the Lord is calling me to in that step and what I know is the best decision.
I want to be better at not getting stuck. I don’t want to spend so much time thinking about decisions far down the road, but more about being present and sensitive to the guiding of the spirit now. I don’t want to lose site of what is important to me in the midst of what is important to others.