I can’t describe the thoughts in my head when I read the writings of those who are obviously much passed my level of intellect. I want to read and learn everything they have to say. And I am reminded that my mind is just nary a speck on the blip of the intelligence radar.
I should be humbled by that but instead, I’m usually jealous. I always see little parts of people that I admire and enjoy and so I seek to be like that, whether that is conscious or not, I do. I feed off people fairly well. And although I am growing to be a very confident person, I always find myself lacking when I’m around others. More specifically, I find myself wanting to be more like them.
I am slowly realizing that by wanting to be like everyone else, I’m becoming nothing special. I’m not allowing myself to shine through and allowing the part of me that is meant to wow others to stand out. I’m not that big a fan of being different from everyone else. Being different always did bad things to me. But deep down inside, Ive always wanted to be that one thing that just stood out leaps and bounds when came to others. Whether it was in a special career field or with a man, it doesn’t matter.
Now I’m at a place where I don’t really stand out in anything and I think that’s sad. Because that means that at least some level I’m not completely being who I’m meant to be if I’m afraid of it. I’m not even completely sure of what that looks like.
I think watching others is a great way to grow and to see what you value and what you can’t stand. We has humans are meant to compliment each other not copy each other.
Just keep that in mind, friends.
I wish it didn’t take so long to learn the really important lessons.